We all know someone who is widowed. According to the U.S. Census Bureau 800,000 people become widowed each year, in the U.S. with 59.4 the median age of a first-time widow. * Half of all women who will become widowed, become so by age 65. In 2017, there were approximately 15 million widowed in the U.S. with more than 100,000 of them living here in Oklahoma. * https://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/p70-125.pdf (See table 7)
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TO HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT A WIDOW IS GOING THROUGH- WHAT FRIENDS AND FAMILY NEED TO KNOW
- What to Expect, Now That She is a Widow
- What the widowed won’t tell you but wish you knew
- Widow Acting “Strange”?
- When Grandmother Became a Widow….
- A Heart for the Widowed Project
- Buddy Stone, with Stand in the Gap- Widows
FOR THE WIDOWED
- Are Churches Failing the Widow?
- From One Widow to Another
- Finding Help For Widows in Oklahoma
- Widows Wednesday (youtube videos for the widowed)
GRIEVING
- How Long Does One Grieve? (Finding support)
- Grieving the Loss of Friends Who Didn’t Stick Around When Our Loved One Died
- Grieving the Loss of Church Fellowship
- What the Butterfly Can Teach Us
STRESS RELIEF FOR THE WIDOWED
- Benefits of laughter Condensed version of laughter’s benefits here
- Coloring Provides Stress Relief for Adults
FINANCES MAY HAVE CHANGED DRASTICALLY SINCE BEING WIDOWED
- Is Your Grandma Hungry and You Don’t Know It? Senior/Elder Hunger ~ The Hidden Epidemic in America.
- Starving Widows in Oklahoma!
- Starving Widows in Oklahoma (Full Story)
- Knick-knacks, Perfume or Jewelry Isn’t What Mom Really Needs A Grocery Store Gift Card May Be Appreciated More Than Anything Else You Can Buy Them
- Elderly hungry in Oklahoma, yet/ many cannot qualify for SNAP (food assistance)
HELPING THE WIDOWED
- A Simple Act That Can Touch a Widow’s Heart
- Make a Difference Day October of Each Year
- Where do I get rid of all of this stuff?
Facebook: A Heart for the Widowed
tulsage
TULSAGE.wordpress.com 
Widows have a window into the unspoken pain of other widows. Stand in the Gap http://www.sitgm.org/widows a wonderful program that helps churches know how to truly help widows.
What one family does for Widows http://widowwednesday.com/the-chouteau-family
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SOMETIMES FINANCES ARE TIGHT
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Widows need to get out some:
THINGS TO SEE AND DO IN TULSA
GRIEF AND MOVING ON http://www.city-data.com/forum/grief-mourning
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Each one of us can reach out to a widow or widower. Text them or send a card to let them know you are thinking of them. Remember them on Valentine’s Day. Take some produce from your garden or change a light bulb or smoke detector battery if she can’t stand on a ladder.
Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Zechariah 7:10
Those we hold dear truly never leave us. They live on in the kindness they showed, the comfort they shared and the love they brought into our lives. ~ Isabel Norton
“Challenge barely describes it! …. it was so painful & hard. It was lonely being misunderstood, isolated, judged, abandoned, invisible and stigmatized. I Thank God HE believed in me. I hope & pray the resources, community and understanding will be so prevalent that this inhumane treatment of women will disappear. I was once disappointed in so many near me, but not anymore. No one gets it right with death.
It’s making the impossible possible.I have overcome …. I’ve faced it, lived it and risen above. But so many will someday know what it’s like to bury the man you love, maybe design their headstone like me, donate organs, struggle on Valentine’s Day, make sacrifices beyond comprehension, financially solo raise healthy and stable kids despite it all. Yes, I now own the word empowered because I know strength, wisdom and how to be humble beyond reasoning. Moor alive is what I call it. You have it too! Remember, you are your hero. No one needs to validate or see that happening for it to be true. You are it”. https://www.facebook.com/modernwidowsclub/photos/pb.221803717869548.-2207520000.1468174321./1063846570331921/?type=3
“Isolation and loneliness create the conditions for rapid aging. Heart attack and death rates are known to increase among the recently widowed…The emotional value of social bonding is immense, yet in some countries, including the U.S., we have moved in the opposite direction for decades.
The key here is to stay connected and open to new relationships throughout your life. Resist the impulse to go quietly into semi-isolation because you assume that society expects that of you. Losing friends and spouses is an inevitable part of aging, and many people can’t find replacements or lack the motivation to. By “replacement,” I don’t mean a new spouse and family (though that is certainly a possibility), but emotional bonds that mean something to you and offer continued meaning to your existence.
Taking care of your radical well-being by eating whole foods, finding a way to get effective sleep, drinking enough water and moving your body (even if for 30 minutes) really, really matter in widowhood https://www.facebook.com/modernwidowsclub/photos/a.223310444385542.50354.221803717869548/989961147720464/?type=3&theater
No amount of reading and television substitutes for human contact that nourishes on the level of love and caring. One of the most effective steps is for people to become involved with mentoring programs, education, and youth programs.” – Deepak Chopra
Sooner Ride http://www.okhca.org/individuals.aspx?id=554&menu=42&parts=7643_7645_7641
non emergency transport Medicaid 877 404-4500 918 560-7999 6 a-8p
http://www.okrehab.org/guide/06_09
http://heartlandflyer.com
Senior Citizens center
Meals on Wheels
United Council on Aging
Benefits check up
Programs and resources
Assistance-weatherization Energy assistance Heating Bills
SR Advocate for Elderly
Companion Care
Homestead exemption
Senior Care
Pharmaceutical Assistance
Help managing finances (paying bills- United Way Organization)
Helping Hands etc
Car tags
Free drivers license after a certain age
OACAA Oklahoma Assn of Community Action Agencies
Oklahoma Department of Human Services
Workforce Investment Act program
Big Five Community Services
Legal Aid
Food Stamps
SSI
Senior Employment Assistance
Sr get left over food places
Adult Day services
Assisted Living Demo
Vitamins for Seniors
Farmers Market coupons
United Way
Government surplus
Veterans Services
Mental Health Assistace
AARP
Escort Seniors
RSVP
Telephone reassurance
Universal Service Fund
AAPR
CAP-Community Action
.
Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so
few words.
I’ve learned…. That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I’ve learned…. That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned … That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
I’ve learned…. That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I’ve learned…. That being kind is more important than being right.
I’ve learned…. That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned…. That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.
I’ve learned….That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I’ve learned….That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I’ve learned…. That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve learned…. That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I’ve learned…. That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
I’ve learned…. That money doesn’t buy class.
I’ve learned…. That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned… That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I’ve learned….That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I’ve learned….That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned…. That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I’ve learned…. That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I’ve learned…. That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned…. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I’ve learned…. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned…. That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I’ve learned…. That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve learned…. That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve learned…. That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.
I’ve learned….That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve learned…. That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Songs for widows: .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbJnNRvQLm8
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK4aqUzSd…
I Would Have Loved You Anyways by Trisha Yearwood (funeral)
Go On Without Me (reminder he is still near me.)
Homesick by Mercy Me
To Where You Are Josh Groban
While You Loved Me by Rascal Flatts
Stars” by GRACE POTTER AND THE NOCTURNALS
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ml7TmC__eDc
Evanescence – My Immortal, The Other Side, My Heart Is Broken .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB5PxVUn1…
.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZDdZ0rD…
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rRaiT2AB…
In This Moment – Into the Light
.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir-KDRv0LmE
Avril Lavigne – Wish You Were Here
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hH63dkeSWR8
Celine Dion – Fly
Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNyKDI9pn0Q
Céline Dion
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we’re gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we’ll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You’re here, there’s nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We’ll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on.
a song, by Great big World featuring Christina Aguilara, for the first time.
Miranda Lambert’s song “Over You” and again with Russell Smith and The Amazing Rhythm Aces “Let It Burn”.
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2uC_ODp-Dc
.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGTm8UfWHAM
Leonard Cohen – Dance Me to the End of Love
Different Kind of Christmas (Mark Shultz) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziCbpoeUfDU
https://lifehacker.com/how-to-cope-with-grief-1828258625
Volunteering gives people access to possible friendships, gives lonely people a true sense of purpose and contributes valuable service to the organization.
Social interaction and friendship A lady whose husband had passed away loves to knit and wanted to teach others. It’s become a wonderful support group as some have also lost their husbands. They talk and bond while they knit. They’ve made 112 blankets in the past year and given them to patients at the cancer clinic in town and to survivors of domestic violence. https://www.guideposts.org/better-living/health-and-wellness/living-longer-living-better/5-benefits-for-seniors-who-volunteer
Bonds are best made between people who regularly do meaningful activities together. – Kelsey Ogletree AARP
Read more about volunteering : here
I like these blips from an answer given by Ask Amy (Amy Dickinson Sep 13, 2018) regarding knowing that a loved one is dying
Grief hits everyone differently; it envelops some people in rolling waves, while others walk the path in more predictable ways.
Do your very best to LIVE NOW. look — and treasure — tiny moments of togetherness. Write love letters to one another. Look at photo albums. Walk toward this uncertain horizon together, hand in hand, even if you are strolling in the hospital ward, pulling an IV pole alongside you.
Regret amplifies grief. Don’t add this burden to your loss. Live and love now. Grieve later.
My first Christmas in Heaven: https://www.allworship.com/christmas-heaven/
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For men:
Herb Knoll lost his wife, Michelle to pancreatic cancer on March 7, 2008. Knoll is a retired bank executive, marketer, and professional speaker turned widower advocate. He founded:
-the Michelle’s Angels Foundation, Inc., a not-for-profit organization, whose mission it is to “provide love, hope, compassion, and comforting music to those who quietly suffer” (MichellesAngel.com).
-the Widowers Support Network https://widowerssupportnetwork.com in 2014 so he could better serve, comfort, and assist widowers and those who love them.
His book ‘The Widower’s Journey ‘
– tackles tough questions
-breaks down barriers that block men in their journeys to recovery.
-encourages men to seek out the fellowship of other widowers, and he provides resources that -men need to move forward.
-identifies how society fails widowers
-spells out how institutions need to change so widowers can receive the support they deserve.
Provides advice on many topics, including:
-how men can process grief
-keeping healthy during stressful times
-managing a career while coping with loss
-drawing strength from your faith
-reentering the dating world
-dealing with the issues that sex, dating, and marriage create
-parenting as a widower
-solving financial and legal problems
-preserving your late partner’s memory for yourself and for family and friends
Widows wonder if they should sell the house and rent
Own- responsible for taxes, insurance, heating system or A/C if go out, water leak, hot water tank, roof replaced, lawn sprayed, termite spray, pest control, filters changed, mower (repair, gas, blade sharpened), fix fence, electrical problems, lightbulb replaced, piering, carpeting, painting, and all other maintenance, etc
Rent – peace of mind that if anything goes wrong it isn’t you who has to worry!
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One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.” ― Margaret Mead